Mother's Guilt

Why is it as a mother I allow myself to feel guilty?  I feel guilty if I leave my children somewhere, so I can have a night out.  I feel guilty if I leave my children with their OWN father, so I can run some errands.  I always rush at whatever it is I've left them to do.  I always say "this time I will relax, take my sweet time and enjoy it."  But it never fails the whole time I'm thinking "got to hurry so I can get the kids, or better hurry supper is in a hour."  I know my kids are in great hands {like I would leave them with a crazy person}, but I still rush around like a fool.  It's not like I don't see my kids through the week.  I'm a stay at home mom {working nights} plus I babysit 4 others.  It was a decision I chose.  I didn't want to send my kids to daycare.  I wanted to spend my days making their lunches and wiping their hiney's.  And don't get me wrong I love every minute of it...most days.  But sometimes I need a BREAK!!  I break up fights ALL day, sweep up crumbs, and someone is constantly hungry.  Some days I think "oh just 1 hour of peace would be awesome."  But then when I am offered that "peace" I rush through it.  I need to learn to not beat myself up.  I'm a good mom, and my kids love me, so I deserve some 'me' time.  My mom offers all the time to take them for the day, so I can go do something, or just stay home ALONE, but I always turn her down.  I figure if I'm home doing stuff then there is no reason my kids can't be with me.  Why do we do this as mothers?  Everyone deserves a break once in a while.  I should take one more often.  I know it would make me a far less crabby and stressed out mama!  I'm going to start trying, I mean REALLY trying to get some of this 'me' time I hear so much about.  Today I'm going to the grocery....alone.  I WILL take my time, maybe even go down every aisle.  Wild, I know!  Yeah it's not exactly pampering, but at least I don't have 2 kids fighting over who gets to hold the list.